Bonjour XD You've just stumbled onto my blog. Enjoy =]
MEOW
Moi.
Basics.
Name: Andrea J
D.O.B: 04.02.91
Age: 22 years old
Nationality: Australian
Heritage: Chilean
A Life Worth Living.
Musac.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
4:41 PM
Hola!
Last night was surprisingly good but my night was cut short and ruined everything =.=
We started off at Baja Cantina in Glebe. I hate Mexican food so I didn't order anything. I thought I was being stubborn and silly for awhile and then a few people let me try their food and yup. I don't like Mexican food. So I stuck to the drinks instead XD
Mikel ordered me their strongest Mojito which tbh wasn't amazing but ehh it did it's job.
White rum, lime juice, triple sec and tequila.
My favorite was the Mango margarita, it tasted so good and the juice completely disguised the taste of tequila which was too strong in the classic margarita. The piña colada was terrible as usual but I've never liked them. I guess it's the coconut cream that throws me off.
It was really good talking to everyone, I hadn't seen so many of them in months or even years so there was never a dull moment ^.^
Then off to purple sneakers we went. It was so out of the way and dingy but i think that was the only thing I liked about it. The drinks were a bit steep for a place like that and it was hard to dance to the music but it was still nice =}
On a different tangent, I was reading some musings and poems by one of the guys I met last night and it made me feel so stupid. He's so eloquent. I feel so out of my depth lately, even listening to Joel rant on makes me feel that way. He's got so many interesting ideas =}
Ergh I should really start that assessment. It's due Tuesday.
I dyed my hair last night so that it would be one colour. It normally takes a lot more tossing and turning b4 I decide to change my hair but it doesn't matter to me as much right now. The main excuse for changing it was because I'm starting my prac in a nursing home in 2 weeks and the people at Tafe kept hinting that I should change it otherwise the people with dementia won't take to me. To be honest, I know that's total bullshit. Generally they like bright colours and they're going to be difficult either way. I would prefer to have my hair bright that way they remember me. So that was just my cover...I'm not entirely sure why I did this. Part of it was because I couldn't be bothered going to the hairdresser for 3 hours and paying $70 for them to do the roots and I ran out of the conditioner that adds colour and I can't be bothered going into FMK to buy another bottle. I guess another part was that Tim always nagged me to just go one colour because he hated the regrowth...which I do too but lol it's not as big of a deal for me considering I've had regrowth that went down to me ears. Ick i know but...ehhhhh watevs.
Anyway I tried to go to my natural shade but it went too dark *sigh* I don't care much, my mum on the other hand was going nuts telling me how bad it looked and that I need to go and buy another bottle of dye and go lighter. I don't like the colour at the moment, but not enough to risk ruining my hair for a few months because I dyed it two days in a row. Screw that. It'll fade eventually...I hope :S Instead of just doing the whole regrowth thing...I don't know, I've never used store bought hair dye.
So this was b4:
It photographs really red which I love but in person it looks nothing like that.
lol...see what I mean. It goes dead flamingo. That last pic is as close to natural light as possible and was take at the same time as the two above it...lol so yeh, huge difference with flash.
So AFTER:
So dark =.=
At least in flash photography it still picks up some nice colours:
This is what my phone picked up, I like it but it does NOT look that light at all, if it did I would be happy though:
I feel so...dull. As soon as prac is over...or maybe even b4 I'm going back to red =.= I like it too much, I love that the sun picks up a billion shades of red and that in photos it looks SO deep. LOVE IT. Plus it usually serves as a way for people to come talk to me when they don't know what to say lol
Any who, ZUMBA tonight. Finalllllly, I've missed every other chance I've had so hopefully it all goes to plan.
So uhm...I feel shit again *sigh* oh wells. except...it could be a push in the direction of change for the better. Who knows.
SO. The topic for the moment. MEN and being MANLY. To get you in the mood: Macho Man by The Village People.
OKAY i talked it out with a few people...so now I can't be bothered blogging about it in as much detail.
My main point: too many of my friends and family still believe in the whole "manly man" concept. It bugs me. They want "real men" who can fix stuff and carry heavy things for them, open their doors, drive them around, be ready to fight another "man" for the girl, mow the lawn, clean the pool, deal with the mechanic and don't spend too much time in front of the mirror (yet still expect them to look good). It's not just the girls I know, I know guys who want to fulfill this gender role too. Guys who want their women to let them do those things and feel threatened when 'their woman' does those things for them or sometimes even when they just help them do those things.
I think growing up in a household without a male meant never being exposed to these weird roles. I heard about it in school and through tv but it was the 90's and empowerment and equality were all the rage. All i ever really heard about was breaking gender stereotypes and I guess I just assumed that no one really acted that way anymore except for old people who grew up in the 50's. My mum and I do everything ourselves because that's the way it always was....I never realised it was because there was no man around =.=
This confuses me to no end. Suddenly I'm expected to act helpless and let guys do all the "hard work" when for the last 19 years I've been expected to do it myself and have never expected help from any gender more than the other. Now that I'm older I am being confronted with this notion of what it means to "be a man" more and more especially through romantic relationships. My own, my friends and my mothers. It really does confuse me that in this day and age people still think this way...more importantly the people AROUND ME still think this way.
My only expectation is that men and women share jobs equally. I see no reason why I shouldn't be allowed to help. I especially don't see why I should concede to any mans antiquated notions just to feed his ego. My expectation is that a 'real man' and a 'real woman', in terms of roles, are equal. To me, it's all about being versatile, being independent, being self-sufficient and a hard worker. Well rounded. Whether you're a guy or a girl.
Now, this doesn't mean that I wouldn't like for someone (any gender) to open the door for me if they're already in-front of me, help me move stuff when it's heavy or help me out when they actually know more about it than me. Just don't do it in such a condescending way =.=
So I'm procrastinating. I made sure today was free so that I could do my assessment (that's not due till Tuesday) but I have yet to touch it. I suppose I should tonight, I caught up with all my shows, youtube and there's nothing really left to do other than listen to podcasts. SO TO BLOGGER I WENT.
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
My mum and my aunty (more so my mum)...really all of my family so my grandfather and my grandmother (maternal). They have influenced...well, everything in my life from their values to their customs and expectations. No one else has had as big of an impact as them.
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why Well there is only a week left of this month so how about until the end of the year.
-Finish my short tafe course. -Get offered a job by my nursing home placement even if I choose not to take it
Those are my main two...maybe I should make some more? To keep me focused? hmmm
I want to say practice dancing every day but I know I won't stick to it...but I really should...just to improve my stamina during practice and performances. I also want to say post at least once a week in uni discussions but that sounds a little far fetched too...lol
I could also say no fast food or soft drink but i rarely eat fast food now anyways and i only have soft drinks with alko...so that means no alko till next year! FUCK NO, xmas is coming up and new years!
I could also say 10 hours of driving but that's so unrealistic *sigh* I told my mum i wanted to go for the last 3 days and we were both free at those times and she said okay and then she went to bed =.=
*sigh* FINE! I'll add: -No fast food -Weekly uni post -practice dancing the cumbia step for 10mins straight every day.
=.= I'll let you know how it goes.
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
I pretended to be a dinosaur and ran around chasing 2 little kids at the family bbq...i hate children. I hate make-believe. I hate children. BUT I DID IT ANYWAY and got them to giggle and have fun...so that was nice.
I also opened up a separate savings account so that all my salary goes straight into that and I don't touch it. Tim would be proud =[
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Happy: Well the last 2 weeks I've been listening to Three Little Birds by Ziggy Marley ft Sean Paul when I'm happy. Apparently it's from sharktale.
I'm actually a little over it lol
But i also listen to my latino playlist. In particular 'Bonito' by Jarabe De Palo:
I know nothing about these guys at all, i didn't even know the name till now, I had labeled it "cute upbeat". Turns out the song is from 2003 and the group is from Spain =]
ha! I just looked up what the other was called and it's by the same band =] This one is called Yin Yang. YAY for Shazam!
heh, he's kinda cute =]
Ohh also this song, it's a merengue. "Los Amores" by Jandy Feliz, he's from the Dominican Republic. I also did not know this until Shazam helped me out just now lol.
Smash mouth is pretty uplifting. Except i only have like 2 of their songs.
Sad: It used to be "I'm still here" by John Rzeznik
It used to make me cry so much.
Also Hide and Seek by imogen heap:
Bored: Don't know..i don't listen to music when I'm bored.
Hyped: Lately, dancehall
Mad: It used to be anything heavy but I don't do that anymore..I guess I'm not as angry as I used to be. I don't usually listen to music now if I'm angry. I just blog and rage in silence.
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
My old room *LEEL* =[ soooooo many MANY memories in there *sigh*
Day 12- How you found out about blogger and why you made one?
Well i 4get how I found out but I made one because it lets me reflect on what's been happening so I don't take things for granted as much. It also lets me share a side of me most of you will never get to see in person without me forcing it down your throats because you can always choose to stop reading. Although, most importantly, it kind of validates my existence as pathetic as it sounds. Without my blog as my constant reminder that i do things in the real world and that I have my own thoughts, I think I would feel lost. When I'm feeling down I need to prove to myself that my life isn't as shit as it feels in the moment and looking over my blog reminds me of that. It gives me a place to express my opinions without worrying that I'm offending someone or sounding stupid. I generally don't join in on discussions a lot because I feel like sometimes my thought processing takes too long and I need to gather myself to figure out what I'm really thinking and why.
My private blog on the other hand is a place for me to complain and whine and bitch about all the stupid things or personal things that no one needs to hear or should have to put up with. It's an outlet for all the crazy emotions that I have. Most people would think my life was a complete mess if they just read that blog because I really only ever blog when my emotions are out of control and something bad has happened.
Oh and to kill time =] I'm self-centered like most people and I like talking and thinking about myself lol So it's a fun pass time plus it means I do it less in person.
Everyone has been really supportive so a big thanks to everyone who's been active in keeping me busy. It really helps, spending time alone doesn't go down too well ALTHOUGH there is hope! On Saturday night I felt ...normal, finally. Ermm so a few things I've been doing: hot damn, sleepover with the boys, work ♥, hanging with aly, dancing, family bbq, buying clothes =S, spending time with my aunty, hanging with peter and stef, hanging with kurt and spending a substantial amount of time in an adult book store ^.^
Things are kind of looking up =] People are all finishing uni now so there are even more chances to spend time with them and everyone seems really pumped to go out and do stuff since they've been oppressed by universities demands for the last 3 months. It's kind of refreshing spending time with friends and actually wanting to now and not having to worry that Tim won't get along with them and all that crap that used to happen.
Side comments: -I got lectured at the family bbq because I was the youngest there and got told off about todays lazy youth and had to listen to the incoherent ramblings of an old man who doesn't seem to appreciate technology *sigh* It really got me riled up. -Hot damn played a lot of dub step. Dancing to it was AWESOME (despite Kurts objection). I regret not accepting tim's gift of a dub step CD =.= -Tuna sushi is awesome -Team 9 Lives are soooo friendly -Double consonants now make sense -Homelessness seems to have increased dramatically, it's depressing. -I think I'm dying my hair one colour for my prac =[ -Asian guys seem to attract my attention so much more. geh
Back to the Tasks!
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
and
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have Hmm...there's a few things yet nothing I can think of right now. Self-doubt maybe?
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to I've got a tonne of good photos from overseas...hmmm. How bout just odd:
Zonkee!
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why?
I don't read comics...I sort of only know the history of batman, superman and spiderman. Through pop culture references, not because I've read/seen anything about them. They all sound stupid and I disagree with their course of action. I guess I'll stick with spiderman out of the three.
I was really unsure how I would go about blogging this because it's so personal and involves Tim who I always tried to stay clear of in my blog (the bad stuff at least). It's hard for me to write about because I don't want to say too much or too little but I feel like I have to write about it on this blog too because he was such an important part of my life for the last year and a half.
I guess I should just clarify for whoever has missed the news flash but Tim and I broke up yesterday (Wed 17th Nov 2010).
I thought I would mention that I also am writing this in the hope that he will somehow come across it ={ It's kind of pathetic I know but it's so difficult to move from being 100% open with him and suddenly he's cut me off and doesn't want me in his life at all. It's stupid for me to hope that he would still check my blog, I know he's not that stupid. He's pretty amazing at shutting off people and he's strong enough to sever all ties so I doubt he'll be lingering on here. He's smart that way I guess, deleting me off facebook, probably blocking me on msn, maybe even deleting my number ={ It's what you're meant to do when a relationship ends. I can't bring myself to delete him, having him in-contactable, being mean to him and pretending I hate him just to make it easier to deal with what happened. That's not my style and despite everything that has happened with us I still really care about him.
I think that maybe the hardest part about breaking up is feeling alone. Feeling like you don't have your life line anymore. It's so difficult to deal with this sort of pain because whenever I felt this way in the past I would come running to Tim and he would make it better. I can't do that anymore ={ It's odd how much this feels like when I lost Alex, obviously it's not the same but the same pattern is emerging. Feelings of disbelief, trying to process and come to terms with all the things I don't get to do anymore.
I no longer have someone who I'm constantly talking to. I was either with him, on the phone to him or on skype to him. My days ended and started with him. Now there is all this empty time.
I no longer have someone who I can be physically close to, that will hug me and a hold my hand and look out for me the way he did.
I no longer have someone to look after and worry about.
I really am going to miss him, my world revolved around him since we met and now it's just over. It's scary too because I have to start all over again. He was safe. He knew me, everything about me. We were at a place that was so comfortable and now I'm going to have to start from scratch and have to go through that horrible beginning phase of getting to know someone, learning who they are and how to enjoy them to the fullest. I put so much work into that relationship, more than I ever have before and now it's all gone down the drain. I don't regret it in the slightest but it was a shame.
There's so many things that I've been wishing for since yesterday. Wishing that things had actually worked out with us, that we had been a better match. That he could have opened up more and that I could have helped him work through some of his issues. That we could have been happier. That he hadn't screwed us over. That I could have been what he needed to change himself for the better rather than reverting to old patterns.
We both knew this was coming, hell we had spoken about it since the first few days we got together. After Halloween though, we both new it was only a matter of time. I guess we were both waiting for a trigger and he finally gave me enough to push me over the edge. I would say I'm about 90% sure he did it on purpose. Like someone pointed out we were in a bit of a stalemate. After some information he shared with me my trust issues increased and although I forgave him I kind of think he didn't want to be forgiven. Initially I wanted to call him a coward for just not talking to me and telling me he wanted to end it but then a glimmer of hope shone through. I KNOW he cared about me, so in his twisted and brilliant mind of his, I hope he was protecting me. Making me end it because he knew it would be easier on me this way. Like as if he was trying to get me to hate him enough so that it would be easier on me when we ended. I could never hate him, I can't even stay mad at him.
Forgiveness is difficult. I have mixed feelings about it. Generally in relationships when someone screws up and the other person forgives there are residual feelings that eat away at the relationship slowly until it combusts. The nice side of me wants to blame myself for not moving past what happened a few month ago but that's not true. I did forgive him and I did move on. The problems started every time he would screw up, each screw up would bring the past into question and make me think that he really hadn't changed. Even then after each incident I moved on really well but like I said, it came to a point where something new was happening every time I spoke to him. It became clear that he was purposefully sabotaging our relationship because no one is that STUPID.
I always question myself and my involvement. I can't pin the blame on him entirely...although I find it hard to figure out what it was that I was doing to make him act out. Either way I am a strong believer in the stupid cliche "it takes two to tango". I must have done something to him to act this way. Not been good enough, not supported him enough, maybe I didn't show him enough love? I don't know, there was obviously something missing for him. I still don't put a great deal of blame on myself though, it's clear to me that he had other issues playing into this as well. Issues he needs to resolve if he ever wants to have a successful relationship.
I wish he could see how great he is, how amazing he could be if he let go of all his insecurities and pain he's been holding onto for much too long.
I think the worst thing is that a few people asked me if I would forgive him and if this really was the end. I think it is the end, but only because he made it that way. My heart is open to him, if he wanted it, if he cared, if he was actually sorry for all the things that happened I would take him back. But he isn't and he doesn't care. So I guess I'll just have to move on.
On the positive side of things, this has really highlighted how kind people can be, how important friends are, how guilty I feel for having put them aside for so long because I had Tim fulfilling all my social and physical needs. Another thing that saddens me is that through this breakup I've even seen how amazing and caring and good some of Tim's friends are. They have been the ones who have made me feel the most at ease and it's sad because I never established a stronger connection with them while I was dating Tim. Now I won't see any of them anymore and a few great people have been lost to me.
I'd like to say thank you in particular to Warren and Uly whose kind words really meant so much to me. You guys really don't understand how important it was for me to hear what you had to say, your honesty and warmth is greatly appreciated. Not getting to know you better is probably the only thing I regret from my relationship with Tim. Thank you for everything ♥
I'm going to miss you Tim, so much. I only wish for good things to happen to you and I know you'll never come to me but if there's anything you ever need, you know where I'll be. Oh and congratulations! You managed to become my longest relationship and got me to love you, mission accomplished =]
PS: Don't hate me! I don't care if it's easier for you and keep our stories to yourself lol
It's going to be hard but NEVER FEAR! I have some pretty awesome friends and now I can go out all night without feeling guilty HAZZA. The partying starts TONIGHT. Hot Damn, Friday to Hellfire then on Saturday SFX hehe
Hey...ugh this music is so loud =.= If I turn it down mum will get annoyed at me ugh. She's ruining this music for meeeee =[
I just want to blog in silence bleh.
I CAN'T THINK ANYMORE. I don't even know what I wanted to say anymore. awesome. music down. So ermm..I've lost my train of thought again.
I feel all responsible and under a little pressure.
omg. interrupted again. When I was younger my mum was a tech wiz, she could fix the computer and any other appliance when it wasn't working. She was the one I ran to when I couldn't figure out how to work our computer. Then I grew up and she magically forgot how to use a computer =.=
This is impossibly frustrating because I know she's not an idiot and everything I learnt I got from her. Not that I know a lot but come ON! Now she needs me for everything computer related. So annoying because I know she just wants attention. What's more annoying is that the main computer is in my room =.= Finally, after 18 years of sharing a room with my mum I've developed a sense of my own space which my grandma always hassled us about. It's only backfired really. She says I never leave my room anymore...WHY WOULD I! Everything I need is in here, my stuff, my bed, my computer.
Anyway back to my original point. I did a lot of searching last week to find the best deal for a holiday house for the road trip Tim planned. We got the cheapest option WEWT. We thought we might not because of our age group. We're going to Foster. I ended up taking over lol....I'm sorry timmm. I just needed to feel secure. I guess I've become the unofficial treasurer as well lol
I also arranged to get swapped for my placement in the nursing home. They were trying to send me off somewhere near the airport. FUCK THAT. I don't drive, I'm not getting paid and I need to be at work by 6:15am at the latest. Mums nursing home said they would take me...but ergh they're not that reliable so I'll find out tomorrow I guess.
SO today's task:
"A few facts about each about ten of your friends"
These task descriptions weren't written very well =.=
I've actually put this off for a few days because I didn't know who to write about and realised I have a very limited social circle...lol but it's my own fault I guess. It's just that I feel fulfilled with the social contact I get right now which mainly just comes from 2 people, Tim and Kurt. Mainly tim. *sigh* I'm so dull...lol I generally prefer my own company. People must think I'm the biggest snob. I just can't connect with new people...usually. Maybe I need to change....
I didn't make any friends at uni. I have a group of acquaintances but they approached me...and I backed away from getting closer to them pretty quickly. I just didn't like them. Now at tafe...I just don't find anyone interesting and I'd much rather listen to my podcasts than have to endure awkward chats that lead to nowhere. How was your weekend? Do you have kids? Where do you live? What do you work in?
Everything ends so quickly...even the few stories I've heard about people's entire LIFE have lead NO WHERE.
Example: blahblahblah. Single mum, my babies daddy won't acknowledge his daughter, I get wasted on the weekends, my x now has brain damage after a drink driving incident. me: oh...wow. so uhm...who looks after you're baby while you're here? her: my mum me: ahhh that's nice of her, soooo...where are you going this weekend? her: the local
THE END so dull ={
Occasionally I listen to their conversations, to see what it is I'm missing out on and why they seem to be connecting better than I can and I really don't understand how they do it. They all seem to laugh a lot at really lame things and their conversations are so dull yet the manage to flow. I really don't get it. Then I tune out again because I don't have the patience to waste attempting to talk to people who I find mundane and off-putting (for various other reasons not mentioned).
Maybe I'm not trying hard enough...I DON'T KNOW. The thing is, I don't feel the need to make new friends, the only reason I question all of this is because I worry that one day I won't have Kurt and Tim and I'll be left totally alone and then I don't think I will feel so at easy when it's just me.
Then I think of my high school friends. When I'm away from them I feel pretty lazy and don't make an effort to see them but then I occasionally do and I have a good time. I'm an idiot.
So here goes. My 10 friends =S
Kurtis Futterleib The bestesterest Best friend ever ♥ -A lot of people think we have been besties since kindy. We were besties in kindy, broke up and got back together again in year 10 -His mum's name is Gay -He has a doggy called honey who has been trying to rape me for years...and has come VERY close to snout-to-vag penetration on more than one occasion LOL -He is writing a novel...always =P -His brain is like a sponge for odd bits and pieces of info. I go to him b4 I go to google -He's so damn charming -He has a fucking massive tongue -We accidental swapped bags in kindy and he had to come over and pick it and I got all dressed up to see him...but he left before I could go to the door ={ -He wants to be a body piercer one day -He did karate in primary school and we compared moves one day. I thought he was showing off lol
When am I meant to stop?
-He's the only friend I've been overseas with XD -We used to live down the road from each other ={ -He is loveable
Actually..screw the task! I want to write why he's my friend too. I've connected with Kurt in ways that I haven't ever connected with anyone. He's so special and he gets me! He gets my lameness and somehow still manages to want to stay friends with me after all my shittyness. I can be myself with him, my stupid ranty nonsensical thought patterned self and I still don't feel judged. I can't do that with anyone else, not even my family. We've shared so much, all of my happiest moments are with him ♥
Joel Bolton -That's such an old photo, scout hall back in the day =} -I met him in a pet shop in 2006 (good year for me, I met the people I really grew up with and finally got to live a little ♥) -One of his x girlfriends use to use Ralph Loren Cool -I continued going to scouts because Joel made it fun -I broke his beaded necklace at scouts...i still feel guilty -He knows people EVERYWHERE. It's impossible to go anywhere without him bumping into anyone...even when we went to some festival in the mountains lol -He's not on uppers I SWEAR! He just has a lot of energy -He has a fascinating mind, he should speak up more often -I went to Job For a Cowboy with him -We used to live down the road from each other ={ -He is SO entertaining, even more so when he's not all hyped up -He can play the piano so well! But he's so damn shy about it =.= -He's going to be one of santas helpers this year hehe ♥ -He almost bled to death in my garage trying to "SAVE THE ALCOHOL" lol
I love him, our chats can go in so many directions and getting down time with him is the BEST because that's when you really get to see how he feels and thinks and it really is amazing. Being his friend makes me feel special because he knows sooooo many people and EVERYONE loves joel. It's impossible not to.
Michael McHugh
-The pic is from our last scout camp together. -He can be really mean. -His tantrums are hilarious -He screams like a girl when a cockroach is flying at him -He plays lawn bowls...really well -He plays guitar hero on expert -He likes Dr Who and Dylan Moran -He drinks like an Irish man (because he partly is) -I've seen him throw up more times than I can count -He gave me my first cigg -I've seen him do more nudie runs than I can count. -I used to have the hugest crush on him. -My sleeping bag has been in his house for over a year =.=
If it wasn't for Joel and Kurt we wouldn't be friends. I'm pretty sure he doesn't actually like me lol I don't care because we were part of our little group and together we had some great times. A party without him just wouldn't feel right.
Matthew Cameron -I met him in parra westfields one day -He convinced me to come to scouts =} -He spent a year in Finland on exchange last year -He went to the highschool next to mine but I probably met up with his sister outside of school more than with him haha -He is surprisingly good at knitting and won us one of our challeges on dragonskin due to his awesome knitting abilities -He has an amazing affinity for languages -His bedroom is an organised chaos -He used to be in a band with Joel and Mikel called "The Moshcrew" -We have similar interests in the social sciences but he actually went and studied it -He got mugged on a train FULL of scouts on the way to dragonskin ={ -He picked up a Canadian accent while he was in Finland LOL
I like being his friend because he's so knowledgable. He's like a walking encyclopedia. The friendship that started between us has probably been the most random & succesful friendships I've formed. We should really hang out more *sigh* I've lost touch with a lot of these guys and then we hang out again occasionally and it's like nothing ever changed ♥ If it wasn't for Matty I wouldn't have gotten closer to Mikel and Joel and would have given up almost instantly from scouts because I never meshed well with anyone there and at the start mikel and Joel didn't talk to me much.
Stephanie Mineo aka: Stephen
-I've known her since we got partnered together for a science experiment in year 9 -She has gotten all her licensing merits on the first go -She has a love for animals unmatched by anyone I know -Our music tastes used to be very similar -I went to one of my fav concerts with her. Panic! at the disco -Anberlin and Panic! At the disco have been her fav bands in the past -I've slowly seen her walls get eaten up by posters since I've met her -She has an awesome house -She's the most honest and responsible person I know -She's really good at drawing animals -She kept my tombstone in her room for about 3 years -She has too many pets =P
She's awesome, she kept me sane throughout highschool...or as sane as I was back then lol. The classes I had with her were the best, we used to laugh so much. We don't hang out enough ={
Timothy Nguyen -That's the first photo we ever took together -I'm not exaggerating when I say that he picked me up that night in hot damn by headbutting me and dragging me off into a dark corner -He has the best butt -I feel wierd calling him a friend because we went straight into being a couple...I guess we'll know if we're still friends after we break up (highly unlikely) -We have almost nothing in common (interest wise) -I was friends with two of his x's b4 we started dating -I've hooked up with one of them lol -I was highly amused that night when I saw that his full name sounds like Tritan -He's a really picky eater -He's an attention whore -Fish sauce makes him throw up -People judge him too quickly
A lot of people say we have an odd relationship but with a really good dynamic. I agree...we're not like most couples and I've sort of lost the ability to act "normal" when I'm with him. It's too easy to start playing and dancing or doing whatever it is that we do. I think that's what other people find odd...I'm not really sure, no one ever explains it to us properly.
Michelle Toutounji -I still can't spell her last name -She's been doing Karate since she was in primary school. She is now a black belt -She got me into the dance group oddly enough lol she's not even colombian..or latina -Her dad is a chef! -She's the most health conscious person I know -She gets tipsy fast =P -She's so activeeee -She has a competitive streak -She likes dancing XD -I've known her since year 8 -My mum knows her aunties and used to care for her grandmother in the nursing home -One of her aunties knows my dad =S -Her mothers side is filo -She recently got a job at Coles -She's a really good listener
Weeee I'm glad we reconnected and over the weirdest thing too. We used to be really close in year 9 i think, use to spend hours on the phone and then we slowly drifted apart even though we sat together all through high school. I see her the most out of my high school friends because we do dancing together.
Peter Nguyen! -He's hard to find pics of *sigh* -He's shy -He's incredibly loyal -He always has his headphones in -We could easily talk for hours -He's been trying to leave the dance group for months -We went to the same primary school and met again because of Michelle (the go to the same uni) -His older brother was friends with Tim and Uly
I don't know who else to put, anyone else and it's really stretching it. I consider all of my high school group friends but I haven't had any meaningful contact with them in months so... Out of Tim's friends. I choose WARREN!
He's so awesome =}
He has such a big heart He's really funny in a more subtle way Getting drunk with him is heaps of fun I find him really interesting, I want to get to know him more He's the only one of tim's friends whose number I have He seems to have gone through a lot of shit to get where he is today which is why it makes me so happy when good things happen to him =]
So I'm two short...lol oh well god that took forever.
A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
I took this for this task just now:
so 15 interesting facts...hmm This may be difficult since I attempted to do 20 about a week ago and never managed to complete it BUT i shall march forth! I'm going to attempt to do a whole new set.
1. I don't like how I look with glasses so when I don't NEED to see clearly I take them off. My favorite place to put them is on my head like a headband. It gives my hair some more volume usually and makes my face look a little less round. Many a time has Stephen told me it's stupid (not in those words) and asked why I don't just use a headband. I don't use headbands because they don't suit me, strangly enough they make my face look even more round and they don't add any height to my face. Plus if they're not on my head I lose them or place them in my bag where they get scratched up because I hate glass cases..containers..(neither sounds correct =S)
2. I prefer to look at myself in the mirror without glasses on because all the annoying imperfections disappear XD
3. I feel guilty a lot, it's my main driving force in many MANY situations. From receiving praise, to doing my job correctly, to not wanting to make people feel bad and generally anything to do with my mum.
4. I used to want to be an architect so bad because I loved drawing floor plans for houses. I had a Brittney Spears notebook in year 6 that I had filled with floor plans & I even used to take requests from my friends to draw them their fantasy house with all the stuff they wanted in it.
5. I'm a little too cautious sometimes and over think things which ends up complicating my life. This ALWAYS happens with patient care, I'm always so fucking scared I'm going to do something that will hurt them and I generally feel under supported both in tafe, uni and on placements because people kind of live by this motto of 'you're not going to get it until you do it'. I just don't want to fuck up the first time =[ because the first time is still with a living FEELING human being. I would feel so terrible if I hurt them, if I dwell on that concept I can quite easily make myself lose it. This also translated to other areas, I love planning (yet can still manage to be more 'easy going' than other people I know about last minute plans). For example, the road trip. I've spent a shit load of time trying to micromanage every detail and find the best places and figure out every little thing that could go wrong and how to prevent it and make it easier for everyone else.
6. I always feel awkward when I run into people and worry that they've noticed me for a long time and I didn't notice them. I CAN'T SEE YOU! If you're more than maybe 5 meters away I CAN'T TELL WHO YOU ARE OR IF YOUR LOOKING AT ME. Don't think I'm snobbing you ={ I'm not like that i swear!
7. I don't like causing a scene...erm I guess it's coz I don't want people to talk about me and know what's going on in my head. This might seem retarded considering I keep a blog BUT I don't share my personal problems in here so there is a big difference. Plus it takes a lot for me to snap, I have a lot of patience. So when it does happen (only twice so far) it's really fucking serious lol
8. I watch all my shows on megavideo, including some that I don't particularly like but I've gotten this far so I stick with them.
9. It's easier for me to figure out what I don't want to be rather than who or what I want to be like. It bugs me that I want to be something other than who I already am, I want to accept myself for who I am now but it's hard when I see so many obvious flaws. This generally leaves people frustrated with me because I come off really negative...which I suppose I am.
10. I use the word "hate" too much. I really don't hate anything, I just mean I dislike things. Hating stuff takes up too much effort and especially with people, I always try to find some sort of positive there.
11. I've never had a boyfriend develop from a friendship. I sort of like it that way because I end up with the most random guys and I end up learning a lot about a whole new side of life.
12. Girls usually intimidate me, it's why I've never made any girl friends outside of school and in school I was kind of forced to make do with it since I went to an all girl school. They intimidate me because the first thing I notice with girls is why they are better than me.
13. I'm terrified of turning into my mum but every day I see more and more ways that I'm a lot like her =(
14. I only like heels, sneakers & SOME boots. I cannot walk in heels ={ This limits my choice of clothing, do u know how hard it is to wear sneakers with a dress and not look retarded! ugh. Flats are always ugly.
15. I dream of a day where I can wear business attire to work. This will never happen if I'm a nurse =( Pencil skirts, tailored blouses, underbust corsets, pinstripes, seamed stockings and heels ♥ {that I can't walk in *sigh*}
So I've been feeling shit-tastic all week XD but i feel better for now. ehh I don't know it seems to be a common occurrence these days. DISLIKE.
So new person just moved in. Im not sure if I can go to Ben & Clair's wedding anymore My mum took back a promise andddd I start semester 3 of uni tomorrow. wewt
=.=
SO here's a task that will keep me busy for the next 30 posts. It's a posting task that Nat got of Aj's tumbler. It has 30 different things u need to blog about but I probably won't do them day by day and if I'm really bothered I'll do more than one task per blog.
Here they are: Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself Day 02- A few facts about each about ten of your friends. Day 03- A picture of you and your friends Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to Day 06- Favorite super hero and why Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one (changing to blogger) Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently Day 14- A picture of you and your family Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play Day 16- Another picture of yourself Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else Day 23- Something you crave for a lot Day 24- A letter to your parents Day 25- What I would find in your bag Day 26- What you think about your friends Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then? Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned Day 30- Who are you?
I am at my computer! Blogging! It's been awhile since I have the time to do this...or feel less guilty about blogging (i tend to waste 2 hours easily writing here..about nothing). I've had little bursts of topics I want to talk about but then I forget or don't feel as strongly as I did in the moment. So as usual. RECAP TIME! But I also want to do a "quick" task I stole of nat's blog...who I think stole it off AJ's tumbler lol
So i last left off all excited about the flash mob rehearsal. This is how it ended:
lol...drenched in kings cross trying to get home alone with train delays. It took me 2 hours =.= The rain was actually the best part of the arvo haha...if I had been closer to home I would have just stood there in the rain and let myself take on the wave of rain that was attempting to drown me. It was so refreshing after rehearsal, plus it had been so fucking humid in that stupid dance hall.
The rehearsal itself was shit. It was humid, the routine was too...dance-class for my liking. The moves where so...err how do I put this without sounding like I'm racist or homophobic. Stuff it, the routine was very gay and white. We were dancing to a medley of Danny and Kylie Minogue for fucks sake (DISLIKE). The people were lovely!....too lovely =.= I dislike people who are overly excited/happy over nothing lol maybe I was just feeling particularly jaded because of the humidity. Either way, 10mins into practice I decided I wasn't coming back. Oh well, it was still an experience, it was fun trying to find my way through the backstreets of kings cross alone. I like exploring solo, I always hope I'll find something special. I rarely do =(
The rest of my week was spent at my course. I actually really appreciate being back on a 9-3pm, weekday schedule. I haven't had this since high school but I like the illusion of structure, it allows me to plan and get more things done because I know what I'm working with. This week was probably the first week since maybe early year 11 that I was in class 5 days a week. I was pretty bad in yr 11 and 12 attendance wise...I ALWAYS missed at least one day a week LOL or left early or got there late. Not that I ever jigged...or, well I did twice but it really doesn't count when my mum didn't care and I didn't go out of my way to lie and it's not like I went into school, signed in and snuck out. HA! That would be too much for me to handle lol.
Next goal: Attend class for the full 5 days and arrive BEFORE class has started hehe I didn't manage that this week either...or in year 11 or 12. Oh and stay for the entire day, I left early one day this week because it was getting mind numbing.
SO picture time! =] The task is a list of different photos I need to upload so here goes.
1. Your Facebook profile photo
2. A photo of yourself a year ago
haha that was literally one year ago. 12th Nov 2010. It was in the weee hours of the morn in my room (my old house *sadface* ) with julia, joel, mikel and kurt. It was our first happy gathering at my place together. That feels like so long ago...how odd, not length wise but the activity. I thought we would have started our group sleepovers much earlier than that..wierd. It's hard to believe I was dating Jameson at the beginning of last year, that feels like a million years ago.
3. A photo that makes you happy
hehe ♥ we look so happy. BECAUSE WE ARE. This was also just over a year ago. It was either the 4th or 5th of Sept 2009 with Kurt at my place. That night's a little blurry but I know I had a shitload of fun =]
4. A photo of the last place you went on holiday
Jervis Bay for my bday this year. That feels like last year =S We were getting ready to go back to syd.
5. A photo of you
playing dress-up in kurts sisters room. SHHHH she doesn't know LOL I was going for slutty female body builder tranny. I think I pulled it off quite well.
6. A photo that makes you laugh
I was in tears the first time I saw that LOL ♥
7. A photo of someone you love I love him so much that I immortalised him in my shitty photoshopping way back in ?year 10? (4 yrs ago) after he got me the Taste of Chaos tickets. I have NEVER been so excited in my life. It was also pretty damn impressive, no one has managed to get me even close to that excited. EVER. I was just mumbling in shock and glee over the phone for what felt like almost an hour. I even mustered up a YEHAW amoung my yelps. Completely natural too...I understand why cowboys say it now. lol
8. A photo of your favorite band/musician This is really difficult... I like many musicians but I don't have a favourite. I think I will always respect and come back to Sigur Ros at different points in my life. I'm staying away from them at the moment because I don't want to ruin the moment.
9. A photo of your family
That was less than a year ago at xmas. My gran no longer lives with us...or WAIT...did she visit that night or was she still living at home =S and my aunty I rarely see but she's pretty damn awesome...and then not in other ways lol
10. A photo of you as a baby
Is it wierd that I think I was cute as a baby? I feel sort of vain for it...heh oh well
11. A photo of your favorite film(s) err that's a hard one. I don't have a fav movie. I was just thinking last night that I really enjoy 10 things I hate about you, even after having to study it at school. I also really love Silence of the Lambs..hmm I can't b bothered uploading that.
12. A photo of you again? =S
That's the photo that Alex uploaded of me on his fb &heart; I miss him ={ I actually took that photo when I was 16, at about 8am when I got home from my first time ever going clubbing on oxford street LOL ... Slightly embarrassing secret: It was intended for a guy I had met that night haha his name was matty i think.
13. A photo of your best friend(s)
Sleepover at the end of 2008 after we had finished hsc. lol...I think mikel's face sums up everyones feelings towards a certain someone that stayed that night. Just clarification. No jamo is not a best friend.
14. A photo of one of your favorite family members ermm...I guess my aunty?
That was the first time she took me to Hellfire XD It is also the night after I hooked up with Tim at hotdamn lol
15. A photo of you and someone you love
Things are so difficult between us =( but I do. I took this in 2006, we were trying out our webcam and she had just come back from her first epic trip to chile. Things were still sort of good then ^.^
16. A photo of you at the last party you went to bah the very last party i went to was sookies halloween party but I was feeling terrible...and i look so shit and there is only one photo.
17. A drunk photo of you
That was about an hour b4 I threw up all over a scout camping ground toilet, almost pissed my pants and blacked out at about 8am in the morning in Sept 2008 lol
18. A photo of one of your classes ermm the most recent is a pic I have with jimmel in class last may...but screw that. YEAR 12 pics instead!
I only had one true class photo. The rest where of the last day of yr 12 and that doesn't count. This pic was from halfway through year 12 during Studies of Religion
19. A photo of you on a school trip got a bunch of those XD
lol that was in yr 10 for the Luna Park maths excursion. Our school was stupid...but it benefited us ^.^
20. A photo of something you enjoy doing
That's me on the left in blue. I love dancing =) it's so much fun.
21. A photo of you standing up
okay so I'm leaning, but it's hard to find a full body shot of me lol
22. A photo of your town erm I have none..
23. A photo of your friend as a baby
not really a baby but i dont have any others already on the comp
24. A photo of you that your hair looks nice in
25. A photo of a night you loved how difficult... I CANT DECIDE. Technically this is morning now but this was the week leading up to xmas last year. I spent so much time with him at my place. We were in one long happy warm fuz buble. twas grand!
26. A photo of your favorite weekend god damn. same as b4
27. A photo of last summer
Mardi gras...last days of summer. happy/sad ending =(
28. A photo of what you ate today I don't have a pic. nutrigrane, egg salad sandwhich and oporto
29. A photo of someone you find attractive errgh LOL i want to put up this pic of a girl on fb but that would be stalkerish =(
30. A photo of you when you were happy ergh im slightly over this now. Erm the one that makes me happy was a moment when I was really happy.
Back on the train lol XD I'm going to the first rehearsal for a flash mob happening this sunday. Kurt was meant to come along but he was being a Poopy bum and wasn't bothered to come ={
This is sorta odd for me I guess, I knew Kurt wouldn't come or Joel but I want to do this anyway. I rely on people too much to do stuff I want to do. Not that I'm dying to do this, it's more just for the experience. Like most of what I'm doing these days, it would be nice if I enjoyed it more but meh.
So we couldn't watch the movie ={ it wasn't showing anymore. LAME so we went to westfields anyway and I got Tims Xmas present.
I didn't realise it was so huge lol
And found a pair of heels I liked except they were open toed =.= on boots. How stupid. I also got payed wewt wewt XD
Is it just me or does Tim look a little like Jamie here =S
Odd.
Anywho mum doesn't know I'm on my way to the city again so if I go missing and there's a search party, my last known location was on the train nearing redfern lol
So one day I was hanging out with Kurt and we realised that there are some pretty wacky sayings in the spanish language.
Each Spanish speaking country has their own sayings, metaphors and similies but these are a few that I have collected over the last year or so.
Every time I hear my mum or grandma say a new one I text Kurt XD It has become somewhat of a little tradition for me now =]
Saying: La negrita astuta vende fruta.
Direct Translation: The (Astute, cunning, sly, crafty, fraudulent) cute/little black girl sells fruit.
Meaning: This saying is said as a sort of warning that you are/someone else is a cocktease
Saying: No calientes el agua (si no vas a tomar té)
Direct Translation: Don't heat the water if you're not going to drink tea
Meaning: This is also a sort of warning to someone who is being a cocktease. Kind of like, don't flirt and lead someone on if you have no intention of hooking up with them. It is also a play on words because in Spanish (Chilean at least) the word calentar (to heat) is also used informally as a way to say 'make horny'. So 'estoy caliente' = I'm hot BUT it means I'm horny. If you wanted to say I'm hot (because of the weather) you would say 'tengo calor'
Tongue Twister: Tres tristes tigres trigo trillaron tranquilos tragaron
Translation: Three sad tigers, wheat they threshed (To separate the grain from the straw or husks by mechanical beating), calmly they swallowed.
Tongue Twister:Pedro Pablo Pérez Pereira pobre pintor portugués pinta paisajes por poca plata para pasar por París
Translation: Pedro Pablo Pérez Pereira poor Portugese painter paints landscapes for little money to pass through Paris.
Saying:Buscarle la quinta pata al gato
Direct Translation:To look for the 5th leg of the cat
Meaning: Looking for problems when there clearly aren't any in that situation, so you're over thinking it and overcomplicating yourself.
Saying: Para ser bella hay que ver estrellas
Direct Translation: To be beautiful you have to see stars
Meaning: I'm guessing this is a fairly old saying because my grandad said it to me once, I kind of fell in love with this little rhyme/mantra. It means that no pain is too great to endure in order to look your best, this particularly refers to women having to wear painful shoes (stilettos) because it makes their legs look hot, wearing tight clothing to show off curves, waxing, plucking, dying hair, and I suppose nowadays you could extend that into getting cosmetic surgery. Just to clarify, my grandad wasn't a dick, I remember the saying coming up because we were watching a show with really attractive women and I was in awe of them and he explained that constructed superficial beauty comes at a price =) Oh and if you don't get the imagery, it's based on seeing "stars" when you hit your head/get dizzy, like if you've ever seen the cartoon representation of stars around the head when they get hit.
*To be continued
To Do.
Here's a list of some of the things I would like to do or accomplish or places I want to visit in my lifetime =]
* I have already been there, done that or started to read that but would like to do it again or complete the task
-- The task is completed and I don't feel the need to do a repeat